Misfit

*First written in Secondary four for S1, moved from diaryland*

“People come and go in life but they never stay put for long.” I concluded evenly. This was not the first time I felt this way. I was in college for two years. It had been hectic, but I managed the work, all alone…

Being alone is nice, college homework does not give me the time for friendships. I do not fit into the college circle like what everyone does. I just stand outside the circle, enough for me to know what to do or how to complete my work. When this happens, they leave me alone.

Sometimes I wonder what I have done to make people so afraid of me? Is it my looks? The way I walk and talk? Or the way I isolated myself from the others? I never get to know.

I was once so friendly. I talked, I laughed, I played, and I did everything a student should do. I was so dependent on friends. I want to laugh now. Look at me. Just look at me! I live alone in the hostel room I rented. I walk alone to school. I sit alone in the lecture hall, in the second row. I eat alone in the canteen. I do my homework alone, in the library. People seem to be afraid of me. Do I look like I have a virus or something?

The college staff had seen me for two years but I had never said a word before, unless necessary. I over heard a rumor about myself in the toilet one day that I was “weird”. I isolated myself from them. I never tried to change the ‘facts’ though. What I find interesting was, I seemed to have all the answers for schoolwork.

College can be lonely, especially when you are an eight-year old student. By now you should have guessed. Yes, I am an eight-year old child studying in college. People think that I am just a kid, that I do not understand anything. I wish that were true. If I were what they say I am, shouldn’t I be in fourth grade? They never talk to me, ask for my opinions and never borrow my notes. (Not that I want to lend them…) People just do not understand me! Is it wrong that I am more intelligent than others are? I really want to cry. I feel so lonely. I remember the time when I wanted to join the basketball club. They said I was too short. So my job was to pick up their soggy towels if I wanted to join. I was not that desperate. After this incident, I never joined any other clubs even if they invited me to.

I kept wondering, “ Should I act my age or should I act my I.Q? Well, people never tell me what I should do. I am totally disgusted by the way people think they can control me just because I am young. I hit a third year on his nose for telling me to ‘surrender’ my lunch money to him. I ended up in the Principal’s office. He ended up in the sick bay. I was a little too harsh, I guess.

When next year comes, I can escape from this awful place. I could give a shout of joy when I graduate then. And one more thing, would I look childish in the graduation gown? I think I will forego the prom night.

*Now,if only I could close the diaryland account.*